This is the life…and I have been missing out on it.
I am having one of those days….the weather is pleasant (which has not been the case lately), I have a yummy, steamy, cup of Highlander Grog (our fave coffee that we found SUPER cheap on sale – which makes it taste even better), my beautiful child is happily digging in the rocks, and the dogs are frolicking in the yard.
I’ve realized that I am finally starting to come out of the funk caused by having 3 people pass away in the first four months of this year. Am I over losing Nan and Mamaw? No. But, I am starting to accept it and realize that I can’t let my grief consume me. Losing Aunt Peggy was definitely a shock to the system and I do miss her, but I wasn’t so close to her that I feel like a giant part of my life is missing.
Most people I know would be shocked to hear that I’ve been as depressed as I have been…and I kind of feel the same. I had a few days alone while Lily stayed with my parents and Shan was working, and I really spent a lot of that time reflecting on the first half of 2008 and I have realized that I have to get back to living my life. I will always miss them and I will think of them daily…but I (and tons of other loved ones) are still here and alive. I have to start focusing on living my life the best I can and appreciating every single moment I have with the people that I care about. Perhaps some of this was prompted by the fact that over the last two days I read For One More Day by Mitch Albom. It’s a great book – a fast read and really well-written. Have some tissues ready just in case.
I am listening to a song that is totally perfect for this blog: Down So Long, by Jewel:
Sun sets cross the ocean, a thousand miles from anywhere. My pocketbook and my heart just got stolen, and that sun acts like she don’t even care. Wind blows cold when you reach the top, it feels like someone’s face is stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I got a plastic Jesus and a cordless telephone for every corner of my room. I got everybody but you telling me what to do.
But I’ve been down so long, it can’t be longer still. I been down so long, that the end must be drawin’ near.
I look to everybody but me to answer my prayers till I saw an angel in a bathroom and said she saw no one worth saving anywhere. Blind man on the corner said it’s simple, like flipping a coin – don’t matter what side it lands on, it’s somebody else’s dime.
We’ve been down so long, it can’t be longer still. We’ve been down so long, I know the end must be drawin’ near.
So, yes…I’ve decided that it is time to wake up and smell the Highlander Grog. Life is still going on all around me and it is time to snap out of it. Nan and Mamaw wouldn’t want me to be missing out on life any longer because I’m sad about them dying. They were both ready to go home…even if we weren’t ready for them to go. And if the fact that Jewel’s Angel Standing By just came up as the next song on my iPod isn’t a sign…I dunno what is.
All through the night I’m watching over you. And all through the night I’m standing over you. Through your dreams I’ll be right there baby holding your hand to tell you everything is gonna be alright. When you cry, I’ll be there baby tellin’ you that you’re nothing less than beautiful. Don’t you worry, I’m your angel standing by.
(((Hugs)))